I cannot help but think of the things I said on my previous blog. I couldn't believe myself. Was it really me spilling the beans out of the bag? Career-wise (or shall I say because of low self-esteem), I never complained about anything when it comes to my job. Every time my attention was being called by my superior, there is always this thing that comes in my mind; I did something wrong again. I admit I had blunders in the past. They were all part of my struggle in the real world, perhaps the so-called lessons that would mold me into a better person.

But alas! Those struggles were not considered as part of my learning. Instead, it was regarded as condemnation of my persona. It was like I am in the middle of an arena full of scrutinizing spectators. I was noticeable whenever I took the wrong step but disregarded of commendable doings. Probably that drained the assertiveness in me. I started to become coward, to become passive, and took all the crappy things those people tried to stuff in my head.

Then something happened that drew me away from that nightmare. I realized I can never be who I am if I continue to be under those Mr./Ms.-know-it-all people. I became conscious of what was really going on; it was a wake up call for me. The fear of losing my job was still there, but the hunger for freedom dominated my whole being. Yes, I left the arena where I was in, with high hopes that I can find a place where freedom and respect are defended.